Sometimes your higher self nudges you to do things or make choices that are perfect for your spiritual growth but may seem very scary or disappointing for your every day life if you are not in an accepting or trusting place.
Today I launched a new website but the day my web designer mentioned changing it to take advantage of new software that allows me a greater degree of control I stressed out so badly my body shut down for a day or two. It felt right, I really wanted it but the opportunity hit the same day I had to pay rent, the same day the last little bit of money came in to be ABLE to pay rent. I wasn't sure if I could afford to pay to change my site.
But I am committed to trusting in the midst of fear when my intuitive guidance is so strong. So I now have a redesigned, beautiful website that reflects me better AND the money came from a cleaning job and a donation by a fabulous friend. I also know I needed this redo in order to handle the future of my business.
There are times I am guided to cancel a trip or distance from an acquaintance or take a part time job I really don't want. I do it because the guidance seems strong. Usually there is a second reason that is not obvious. It is true that I will be able to make changes faster and it is also true that the energy of my website needed to change and will carry me through the next level of my business. BUT more than that, it was a great exercise in healing some deep fear around money. The jobs have given me money when I need it and they have also helped to bring up other issues that need addressing (different ones with each job).
So back to trusting.
In order to counteract the effects a job is having on my energy, and to heal some issues around scarcity that are up, I go to the beach every day and pray with the ocean energy. I live about 4 blocks as the crow flies from the beach anyway but somehow actually being at the beach and seeing the ocean makes a difference.
First I sit quietly as my body relaxes and my psyche begins to respond, then I expand my awareness to interact with the consciousness of the ocean herself. My vibration raises and it becomes much easier to commune with my higher self/soul. The combination of feeling my higher self easier with the ocean energy is fabulous. This energy soothes me everywhere I am jagged, fills in all the holes, and reassures the worries/anxieties/fears. I am fully present. It is amazing how calming and relaxing that is.
I am grateful for this support. I am finding the constant nearness of such lower vibration energies kind of grates on me. It is, however, doing a beautiful job of triggering every single emotion/energy within me that has not completely moved into the higher frequencies.
Tonight I sit here in total awe and gratitude for god and me. I am in touch with satisfaction, calmness, inner peace and joy. At this moment I accept myself EXACTLY as I am. I think it is a miracle because:
I am still bigger than most say I should be (in spite of releasing 60 lbs over the years).
I am older than most think is attractive.
My body doesn’t conform to what is considered attractive either.
I dress for comfort, not for fitting in.
I am poorer than most say is comfortable.
I am more unconventional in my spiritual beliefs than most say is appropriate.
I am so grateful for the part time job I just quit. It was a struggle for me to be there from the very beginning. I thought I chose not to heed my highest and best good and took the job for practical reasons: I needed to ease my financial distress in both my emotional state and with my actual income. Really, I kept getting intuitively that it wasn’t in my highest and best good to take it (over and over, ad nauseum).
Yet, I applied one day, interviewed the next, and within 2 hours was offered the position. Every aspect of it met my requirements but one –work that meant something to me. It turns out that is the only requirement that really matters, but the job fulfilled other needs. It kept me busy during a time of deep internal transition and I got to see how much I have changed in the way I reacted to other people’s stuff (both the people I work with and those I was trying to sell to). I like who I am right now and I enjoyed the people I worked with. Obviously this job was divinely created and was perfect to meet my temporary needs.
Sometimes the bigger shifts are so fast and so deep you can’t describe them to anyone else – much less write a blog about them. I have had a week like that. When that happens the day-to-day practical spirituality is the answer for me.
If I am feeling overwhelmed I just ask God for help. If I am feeling anxious I imagine giving it all to God. I pray in the mornings for spiritual help in staying aligned with my higher self and open to the guidance that comes for me that day. I usually also ask for help with whatever problem my mind has conjured up for me –real or not (could be for direction in my business, could be what to do about increasing my income, could be anything). Throughout the day as the worries crop up again, I pray again. I release the worries over and over and I re-focus on conscious connection with God and what is expansive in my life. If I get angry at or hurt by someone else, I pray for him or her, then I pray for help in changing my energy so I don’t have to be triggered by that person or anything he/she says again (sometimes I pray for the courage to walk away from that person if that is what my intuitive guidance suggests).
We have an interesting image of lightworkers and healers in that we expect their lives to be wonderful or, at the very least, that they handle all adversity with grace, serenity and acceptance. There are now some law of attraction advocates out there saying or writing that they are positive all the time (or are trying to indicate that with their words).
God bless them all.
I am not like that – in case you hadn’t noticed from reading any thing I write. I am an effective healing facilitator and teacher and I have my ups and downs like every one else. I share all my emotions although in my every day life they are not at all that dramatic anymore, mostly. I do my best to approach each and every circumstance from an open, sacred place of being but sometimes when the fear is so great I slip. Since I am committed to the deepest, most thorough integration of my light body/soul/higher self as is possible, fear comes up for healing a lot. I let myself dwell in it to the point of forgetting (even momentarily) that all is well and whatever is being created by the fear, or by the fear coming to the surface for healing, will be all right too.
It is not always comfortable or pleasing where my intuition guides me. Sometimes I ignore it for years because I just don’t want to do what my higher self tells me. However, as we all know, if you ignore it too long things get worse and worse until you have to pay attention.
I spent last year looking for a job. I knew I needed more income but I didn’t want to start another business that I was going to have to work my butt off with and have it go nowhere. See the inherent assumptions there? I finally got a job and within a week my intuition tried to push me out because it was not the right thing for me – it wasn’t a good match for me energetically or with my purpose here on earth.
God spoke to me through a few other people with a suggestion for a second business for me, over the past year and a half. As I wrote earlier, I didn’t want to do it. Then a few weeks ago it came to me AGAIN through someone who barely knew me. This time I finally listened. I woke up two mornings later with the business name and put an ad on Craigs list. I got clients right away – before I even had time to think of what I would charge or what my time or physical boundaries would be. Now I am swamped and struggling with balancing my schedule. It happened easily and I have been blessed with some clients who are enthusiastic about my skills, and who pay promptly and with integrity. It was the right thing at the right time, manifested without any resistance.
I have been doing some interesting healing this week.
1. The use of pain to feel alive – I came into this world with the underlying belief that my needs will not be met and I chose parents who fulfilled that belief. I handled it by withdrawing. Sometimes the withdrawal was so intense that I was barely aware of myself. I felt numb. I learned that to feel alive I needed to feel pain. Because of so much healing work I have accomplished and allowed I was able to let that belief go this past weekend. I was able to allow the inner emotional sorrow of how that has negatively affected my life go too. Now I have addressed the hopelessness and victim energy many times before and using pain to let myself rest or get attention. But this is the first time I realized that one of the ways I felt alive – even as a baby – was through pain. Letting that go and accepting that I no longer need to withdraw has changed a lot in my life. I am not eating out of insecurity or because it is the only thing allowed to me for comfort. And that is SOOO weird. I went to a buffet and didn’t even need to control myself or deal with any anger because of what I shouldn’t or couldn’t eat. I am calm even though my spiritual business is in a lull right now. I have no need to strive for more right now. I trust. SHEW!! I have worked hard to get here.
2. Quick on the heels of that healing I had a beautiful vision of my future that was so strong I cried when it faded. THEN the knowing that things are falling into place became very strong. I actually felt tumblers fall into place.
So how are you handling the intensity these days? Each summer the intensity of the shifting energies gets kicked up several notches. This summer has been no different. Right now things are at a feverish pitch and sometimes the only thing you can do is hang on for the ride and be as flexible as you can.
Many of us are revisiting issues, behaviors and beliefs we thought we had already dealt with to integrate or heal aspects not already addressed. In the past week and a half I was led to revisit and review my inner disdain and dislike for being in a human body again and how it has governed all my decisions and actions in my life. I have been guided to focus on how much I do not like being on earth several times in my life. Each time I made the decision to continue living in this body but never with enthusiasm or much heart. Now I am not saying I was suicidal but I was definitely withdrawn and dissociated (depressed and angry, as well). That has been getting better and better during the past 5 years, and last week I actually had the emotional, heartfelt desire to continue living bubble up from within me. It was a very different experience than mentally deciding or intuitively knowing that I will continue in this body. It was unconditional, internally unifying, definite, clear and uplifting.
Immediately many realizations showed up about how this strong inner desire to not be here has limited so much of my life. I saw where I had made decisions that corroborated how miserable I felt in life. I saw how ungrounded I was for most of my life, where I sort of ghosted through classes and events, and where I was unable to maintain any kind of emotional intimacy with anyone because I wasn’t all here. The pictures in my head were of me participating and, on occasion, appearing to be enjoying myself but the emotional memories are of feeling miserable, separate, alone and hopeless about it all.
So have you noticed as your ascension process continues you are getting more and more sensitive to certain things that before you could handle with no problem? Some of us really can’t handle being in lower energies for very long or engaging in behavior, thoughts or emotions that are not in alignment with our higher self or highest purpose.
If I get caught up in reminiscing about the past for too long I get a headache. If I future trip (think about or try to plan for the future) too much, I get this sick empty feeling that can also change to a headache in an instant. If I eat foods that no longer fit my higher vibrational physical living (mostly processed foods or heavy meats and meals) I get sick. If I spend time with people when it is not in my highest and best good I get headaches and say things that really shouldn’t be said (seriously, the words just pop out of my mouth), or I start reacting to their energies not their words and we both get very uncomfortable. If I am resisting anything I get shoulder and neck aches that go away the minute I surrender. If my guides/higher self are trying to talk to me or get my attention I feel a burn on the right side of my head. If I do not sit down and listen it gets worse and worse, like a migraine. If I try to force anything or strive to make something happen, I get very lethargic and things don’t flow at all. It doesn’t matter which area of my life – it could be ways to make money, exercising, talking to someone to get something I want when I need to let go of it, working on one of my books instead of resting or meditating or having fun, staying on the computer too long to finish ‘just one more thing’, etc.