Monday, 22 August 2011 09:52

Growing, Growing, Growing...

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When you move deeper into loving yourself all the deeply embedded beliefs that detract from that self-love are exposed for healing.  That is pretty much how this ascension path has been for me.  What is funny is that I am still surprised when I find out just how a belief can control and permeate everything I do, even when I am not aware of it.

I am noticing that when someone complains about the results of something I do or is angry at me I still react first with protective defensiveness then anger, even if I logically know I have done the best I can and 98% of the time their reaction has nothing to do with my actions at all.  This comes from lifetimes of trying to please others so I won’t be hurt and playing so small (to fit in, to get a tiny portion of acceptance and love, etc) that I forget how powerful I truly am. I also persist in believing that if I do a good enough job, I will be liked and everything will be ok.

I recently cleaned a house, after which someone complained that the floor was not clean.  The person was angry at being held accountable for breaking something and needed to lash out.  Additionally, I was specifically focused on (i.e. worried) about the floor when I cleaned it so I moved all the furniture and spent a great deal of time on it.  I absolutely know there was nothing else I could have done better.  Yet I still reacted with that sick feeling in my gut then got angry and tried to defend myself.  I didn’t react as strongly as I usually do, showing how much I have grown, but I did react enough that I could not get to sleep until very early in the morning.

What I know now is that my worry manifested beautifully and it reminds me to pay attention to my thoughts and emotions when I clean, or do anything.  I am also aware that, once again, my higher/inner self will use any situation to promote my growth (because of my passionate commitment to embracing my true/authentic self in this life) and I am getting to revisit on a deeper level this behavior and energetic pattern that no longer serves me.  I am loving myself and beginning to believe that love will manifest in beautiful support in the form of friends and community (possibly even a partner), ease in my life, and effortless abundance.

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