I am being intuitively guided to do something (move) even though I know that I don’t have to do it. The dilemma is that guidance to make a change usually addresses what is in my highest and best good given whatever is going on inside of me rather than what is most comfortable for me as a human. Moving will assist with more growth and expansion of my consciousness in a way that will either be difficult here or much slower, but I am finally getting some momentum with a basic level of income needed to survive here (after 3 years).
The choice is getting harder to make to follow what is in my highest and best good as I grow weary of this struggle to maintain a comfortable human life on the physical plane of existence, especially when guided to move. There ARE days of wonderful sacred joy, but the gap between that type of energy and what I feel in my everyday life is painful and getting worse.
I had hoped the gap would be bridged by now and I am sure that is part of my purpose here on earth – to bridge that gap and continue to integrate the highest vibration of me into my body. However, I have not done it and I am not sure I can. For some reason, my growth has involved a lot of releasing (i.e. loss) and not a lot of replenishing with outside comfort, companionship or prosperity, or enough inner acceptance, love or sense of well-being. I am sure it has to do with my inner beliefs, lineage and whatever I am here to do because I see others expanding/opening while they have families, prosperity, health etc. I have not yet been successful in creating any kind of balance.
I know I am not alone in this which is why I feel comfortable writing about it. Usually this feeling of weariness lifts pretty quickly as I do some inner nourishing but this time it has been sticking around for a couple of months. I am also finding the channelings from others about future wonderfulness as well as my own intuition that things in my life will get better NOT COMFORTING as I have heard and read it all before without noticing that wonderfulness in my own life, no matter how positive I think/act or how much I appreciate what is here now. On a more positive note, I have come to the point of less attachment which creates less stress, and I do have more moments of inner peace but my physical life doesn’t get easier. I just handle the discomfort better (most of the time).
So what to do? Well I am just continuing with what I need to do to survive financially, trying to meditate and pray more, and I am kinder to myself when I seek out distractions (usually through books and movies). I know some insight will come and I will love up all the inner hopelessness and wondering what the heck I am doing here anyway, and move on. I think I will also focus on making more art.