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Wednesday, 04 August 2010 01:00

choosing life

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So how are you handling the intensity these days?  Each summer the intensity of the shifting energies gets kicked up several notches.  This summer has been no different.  Right now things are at a feverish pitch and sometimes the only thing you can do is hang on for the ride and be as flexible as you can.

Many of us are revisiting issues, behaviors and beliefs we thought we had already dealt with to integrate or heal aspects not already addressed.  In the past week and a half I was led to revisit and review my inner disdain and dislike for being in a human body again and how it has governed all my decisions and actions in my life. I have been guided to focus on how much I do not like being on earth several times in my life.  Each time I made the decision to continue living in this body but never with enthusiasm or much heart.  Now I am not saying I was suicidal but I was definitely withdrawn and dissociated (depressed and angry, as well).  That has been getting better and better during the past 5 years, and last week I actually had the emotional, heartfelt desire to continue living bubble up from within me.  It was a very different experience than mentally deciding or intuitively knowing that I will continue in this body.  It was unconditional, internally unifying, definite, clear and uplifting.

Immediately many realizations showed up about how this strong inner desire to not be here has limited so much of my life.   I saw where I had made decisions that corroborated how miserable I felt in life.  I saw how ungrounded I was for most of my life, where I sort of ghosted through classes and events, and where I was unable to maintain any kind of emotional intimacy with anyone because I wasn’t all here. The pictures in my head were of me participating and, on occasion, appearing to be enjoying myself but the emotional memories are of feeling miserable, separate, alone and hopeless about it all.

Since that shift, all kinds of inner healing of hurts and victim energy occurred.  I still get very tired and experience roving pain when a shift of this magnitude happens for me, but this time it wasn’t too bad.  Somewhere around last Thursday the very energy I exist within shifted.  I am sure you have experienced this – where nothing in the physical world looks like it has changed but all of a sudden things smell, sound and feel different.  I moved into a quieter space, where stillness seems normal rather than something to strive for.  In the days after this shift I have been divinely led to some beautiful connections with people who have been on the periphery of my life for a long time.  I even handled some financially devastating news fairly calmly (with only minimum panic).  I also don’t feel the internal critic or abuser that usually drives me to ‘do’ something even when there is nothing that needs done. There are many other changes but I do not have the words yet to describe them all accurately.

As I write this it seems kind of dramatic but I tell you it all unfolded very easily and naturally.  It was intense but easy and gentle.

I know others are going through their own versions of this with varying degrees of resistance.  Pretend to stop resisting and pretend to trust that the outcome will be better than you can imagine.  I know on some level I still expect these big shifts to immediately result in things changing for the better where I want them to change – i.e. better health, increased income, and my mate showing up.  Well, in the long run this will (and already is) happening. But in the short run, I just get to feel better, be more appreciative and calmer. Oh, yes, and more grateful, joyful and consistently/constantly aware of  the vastness of ourselves as aspects of God.  Not bad.

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Love yourself enough to get help through these trying times.  Call or email me.  I love to assist others. At the very least, get free basic visualization/energy processes to help you out.  See Tools Page on my website. Got some great testimonials too . Click here.

Read 1254 times Last modified on Sunday, 10 October 2010 22:00

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