Monday, 31 May 2010 01:00

maintaining my integrity and vibration

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In order to counteract the effects a job is having on my energy, and to heal some issues around scarcity that are up, I go to the beach every day and pray with the ocean energy.  I live about 4 blocks as the crow flies from the beach anyway but somehow actually being at the beach and seeing the ocean makes a difference.

First I sit quietly as my body relaxes and my psyche begins to respond, then I expand my awareness to interact with the consciousness of the ocean herself.  My vibration raises and it becomes much easier to commune with my higher self/soul.  The combination of feeling my higher self easier with the ocean energy is fabulous.  This energy soothes me everywhere I am jagged, fills in all the holes, and reassures the worries/anxieties/fears. I am fully present.  It is amazing how calming and relaxing that is.

I am grateful for this support.  I am finding the constant nearness of such lower vibration energies kind of grates on me.  It is, however, doing a beautiful job of triggering every single emotion/energy within me that has not completely moved into the higher frequencies.

Last week there was a small incentive program that would net us each $100 in cash if we brought in 10 orders each by Friday.  Now the main reason I stayed with this job is for money as it is not in my highest and best spiritual good to be there.  However, I decided not having enough money to live on was more stressful to me than spending so much time in the lower vibration energies in this job.  That may change at any time.

So as the days went on and people were all excited about the extra $100 I found myself getting more and more stressed.  I wanted the money too but I couldn’t make it happen the way others were.  One person turned out to be a great salesperson because he could turn around everyone’s objections and talk them into buying.  That sounds great but it was done with such lack of compassion and integrity that I actually hurt listening to him (think sleazy car salesperson – type selling cigars to people who are trying to quit or who are ill or don’t have enough money etc). He is the only one who got the $100.

By Thursday I realized I couldn’t handle the energy any more and I made myself detach from the idea of the extra money and turn it all over to god.  I opened to the faith and trust that I was creating the money I needed perfectly, whether it was this $100 or it came some other way.  I relaxed and went back to having fun talking to people on the phone.  I then proceeded to get 5 more orders in quick succession in a way that was fun and lighthearted.  People who wanted the product ordered, I got back to my own energy.

That night I had an unexpected client and another one over the weekend, which brought me more than $100.  I felt supported by the universe.  It is more difficult to maintain my own authenticity, integrity and vibration now that I am working in a part time job that means nothing to me.  I am hoping that this opportunity will teach me how to be who I truly am in any situation, not just the ones where I am alone or teaching others.   I am also looking for a different job and maintaining some intense gratitude for the spiritual support that continues to sustain and amaze me.

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