I am finally being myself and honest about it to others. I find they think I am just snapping!! LOL!!
The more I grow spiritually and emotionally, the less I need to sublimate myself to others' wishes, needs, rules or expectations. Instead of feeling resentful I now just tell them no. I try to be more tactful than I used to be but I still do it. I am in the phase of being rather alone right now because of this deep change. I am also in the phase of discovering myself - who I am without constantly adjusting to others. It is interesting, and sometimes disturbing, to find out how little I know of my own desires when I am not responding to others emotions, needs or energies.
Some things remain - I still LOVE flowers, the color pink, comfort and blowing soap bubbles- but some have hanged - I have a hard time finding things to read even though I use to be a voracious reader, I like to take my time throughout the day instead of rushing like I used to, I do not like anger or to be around it, I don't go along anymore just to get along, I don't get upset just because others around me are upset, I can barely stand to watch tv, I wear what I want no matter what others think I should be wearing, I am having difficulty in engaging in the art forms I used to love, I can barely buy groceries for more than a day or two at a time because I have no idea what I will want in a few days time, AND I no longer want to spend time with people just to be taking up time. I also do not like or want to work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week - seem barbaric to me even though I definitely could use more money.
Each day I am rediscovering what delights me. What would you be like if you let your true self emerge? I am finding that out day by day.