I am being guided to change: to erect and maintain boundaries, to love myself more, to enjoy myself more and to value myself enough to say no more often no matter what others’ reactions are. Progress seems to me to be very slow but the process goes hand in hand with opening to the true me in my spiritual evolution.
I have been too accommodating. I have been so willing to drop everything I am doing to help my friends, or do what they want to do. I put off my own activities to sit on the phone and talk. I even cancel much needed jobs to visit when they want to. I once almost flew across the country because a family member wanted it even though I was running a high fever and couldn’t breathe very well. So I get my feelings hurt a lot when they only want to fit me in their schedules when it is convenient for them, unwilling to rearrange even minor errands to see me after I drive for a few hours to visit, and when they get very angry at me when I must take care of myself (as in the case of cancelling the cross country flight because I was too sick to fly).
Do I need new friends? Do I need my own boundaries? YES
You know how it is - when it is time to change, your higher self ramps up the opportunities to do so. You will have a new boss that is the embodiment of all you are trying to let go of, your friends’ behaviors will become more obvious and irritating (or hurtful), or you might react stronger to everything. You make different choices, and then you react. I shook for almost an hour at one point last week after telling someone I would no longer make anything for her (jewelry, art). My actions were based on me wanting her approval and love and some underlying fear that she wouldn’t love me just for me. She had her own expectations. We communicated about it and worked it out but my reaction was waaay strong considering what was happening because I was changing deep patterns that don’t fit me at higher vibrational living.
All relationships in my life that are not based on mutual and clear love and respect are changing or dissolving. Some days I am ok with that, some days I am panicked!!! Once again, more opportunities to love myself even more.