Wednesday, 30 December 2015 09:36

Blossoming in the Timing that is Perfect for ME!!

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People blossom in their own time, they open to their spiritual wonderful yumminess when it is perfect for them – meaning as they can allow it.  I sure have. 

So it does no good, and is actually somewhat abusive, for anyone else to shove their impatience at someone they want to change faster.  It doesn’t matter if it is in the form of anger, criticism, expressed impatience, judgment or dictatorial orders. It really is none of your business how fast I change. And, one of my pet peeves, Oh My God don’t use the guise of a psychic reading to blast someone with your self-righteousness. If you are reacting in any way other than observation or enjoyment of my being it is YOUR triggers being engaged and not my responsibility.  How does that saying go?  I don’t have to change so you can feel better – about yourself or me.

For instance, I used to attract or be attracted to women I wanted to make me feel better.  I wanted to dump all my problems on them and have them codependently enable me.  At the same time these women really wanted the same of me to some degree (naturally, like attracts like) and accused me of all sorts of things when I didn’t meet their needs or left the relationship abruptly, usually after telling me it was all my fault.  The problem is/was that I believed them.  It is only recently as I am emerging from this behavior pattern that I realize the issue is/was NEVER one sided and that I have been healing all sorts of inner issues around the pattern as time has gone by

I still need to talk about things with others once in a while because I am alone so much of the time and I just process faster that way.  But I no longer need to attach myself to someone who I hope will make me feel better.  Today I recognized that.  I realized I am emerging (don’t you love that word) from so many emotional, psychic and behavior patterns that no longer serve me.  I still have some judgment that it took too long for me to enjoy this life (i.e. if it had only happened when I was in my 20’s I might have had a better life).  However, I am thrilled to know that there HAS been healing in all this time.  Each one of those women played their part in helping me purge/heal old stuff.   May God Bless Them. (I am sure I played my part for whatever their inner beings/higher selves wanted them to experience.)

So I am cogitating (another really fun word).  My intent is to allow who I truly am to bubble up to the conscious surface, because I Do Not Know.  Without all the coping behaviors and emotional patterns I do not know what I like or what I want.   I do know I feel most expanded and satisfied when I can feel the sacred connection to my expansive spiritual self.  I got to be there for many days just recently.  I am allowing that to continue.

 

P.S. I do note that the further I ascend, integrate my spiritual self into my body, the more others show their judgment of my behaviors with me. It is as if too much light exposes aspects of themselves they don't know what to do with (but are really ready to change), and they lash out (or try to get me to change - adamantly) instead of taking the time to be with themselves.  As I sometimes get caught in this old pattern I understand.  I just want to be in the place where I recognize it but am not affected by it - more growing for me!!

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