I laugh at myself all the time, particularly when I am trying to make something happen that clearly I am either not aligned with or is not the right time (because I am not aligned with it usually). Additionally, the less drama in my life the more I am in tune with the right timing and alignment.
In January this year I was determined to get my taxes done. I usually wait until the last minute when my resistance and anger is very high to do them. This year I didn’t want to go through that so I was trying to get them done early. I am not saying my approach was different emotionally I just thought different timing would make a difference in how I felt about it (!) I usually start by retrieving the previous year’s taxes. I went through every box I still have that is unpacked, including the one with all the previous taxes – TWICE. I couldn’t find them. I was so frustrated at the time. It didn’t occur to me until 2 weeks later that I was looking for an envelope marked 2015 instead of 2014. Today (in April) I found the 2014 taxes right away. And I began all the prep work for 2015 with no emotion at all, just getting it done.
I have had the same frustration over my lack of interest in putting out a monthly newsletter even though my website says I do and people keep signing up. Then I make myself feel bad for not taking any action and I try to write but nothing comes. Like anything else, I cannot force it.
I do not know what my future holds, I am not even sure what I want in life anymore. I know I continue to expand and evolve and love as best I can. I know I make a difference in many ways even when my ego is wailing that I am useless in the world. AND I know change will come when I am most aligned with it – because I have too many signs in my every day life that it happens that way. Now all I need to learn is to RELAX!!!!!!!!