Earlier in the week I got to visit some deep fears (see previous blogs). Yesterday I got to wrestle with the part of me that is extremely self-critical, self-judging and self-abusive. Picture an internal part of me with a whip, constantly beating myself up. OWCH!!
Sometimes I spend time loving whatever is coming up or handing it over to god. This felt like I needed to visit with it for awhile to let it come up, or show up, fully. It didn’t feel good and felt very heavy, as if it wasn’t quite ready to heal but was doing it anyway. It took all day to release and today I feel kind of hungover and very tired from all the shifting. I am planning a light, easy day (we will see if my higher self agrees).
On the other hand I am more relaxed about my life and some of the details over which I was worrying. I feel more compassionate in general and certainly more loving towards myself. My work with others seems to be much easier and more powerful. I can feel optimism welling up again.
I have no idea how it will affect me in the long run but I am very happy to be healing this part of me. It blocked me from truly appreciating being in existence and from being calm and lighthearted about everything I do. These old patterns also blocked me from enthusiastically saying yes to each next step my higher self leads me to. That is kind of contradictory to my commitment to spiritual mastery. Now I am viewing myself and others through the energy of love and self-acceptance. It is different – softer and more relaxed and a whole lot more tolerant. Spiritual evolution at its best!