However, all I managed to write was two blogs – one talking about my deep panic about money that turned to actually be about fear of ‘moving’ forward in my spiritual evolution and the other one about some of the techniques I used to abate the fear and a small portion of what I had learned about it. I sat down tonight to write about a cool discovery I made on how to know a core aspect of our personal nature but it was like grinding gears to get the words to come out.
It just isn’t time yet. Like my art projects, writing cannot be pushed either. I was in a space of incredible inner silence and complete fulfillment on Saturday (which I hope to write about soon). I wanted to capture that in an art piece. I pulled all the fabric out and tried to get an idea of the arrangement and just ended up with a headache. I went outside and sat in the sun in contemplative sacredness. The entire completed project popped into my head about an hour later. Writing is the same – I get guided to write when the time is right. When I am not listening or following my guidance it is like grinding gears or nothing comes out.
There is a lot going on and I haven’t sorted it out yet. I don’t know how to explain clearly the leap in consciousness I took this past week. Nothing I would write would be complete because I haven’t completed my integration of all the changes. For someone who is pretty conscious about changes and likes to know what is going on as it happens, this is new. But I am accepting that at this level of being things are different. I can see some of the results – my readings/healing sessions are stronger than ever, I am letting go of a lot of art supplies (!), I am spending less time on the computer, I am not enjoying the same kinds of books I used to, I have slowed down a lot, I am more patient (THE BEST RESULT EVER), and I am MUCH calmer about my money situation. I cannot spend any time complaining about anything or contemplating anything I used to worry about. I also don’t seem to be able to veer even slightly away from being in alignment with my higher self or I get bad headaches or other body symptoms. But I will write more about all of this some other time.
Right now I am accepting that integration and rest time is needed. Sometimes I don’t get to know what is happening exactly while it is happening, if at all. I have moved to a new level of trusting and accepting and self-responsibility.