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Sunday, 06 April 2008 01:00

it's more complicated than you know

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I was led to a job at a bead store last September. It was so synchronistic there was no mistaking it. And, at first, I loved it. It was perfect for me. I talked to people all day, I dressed casually, I learned a lot more about a craft I love, I taught it to others, and it got me out of the house while I was waiting for all the shifting to settle down until I knew what was next for me. I also came to know that I was and still am helping a lot of people evolve spiritually – both directly with words and more diffusely with energy.

But things began to change and by December it was not as pleasant as it was at first. Partially because I am so impatient and partially because a new assistant manager was appointed who was not as easy to work with as the manager. By the time the manager went out on pregnancy leave, I was really not liking it. However, no matter how often I looked for another job I could not find one. Even when I was having a little inner temper tantrum about it, I still knew I needed to stay there (well maybe for a day or two I thought I could leave).

So here is what I know today. I have been asking, intending, begging, screaming, etc to stop feeling everything that goes on in the earth. For years I helped and helped with the transition to a higher dimension, as did many lightworkers (and many still do). If something was chaotic, I helped calm it. When the time lines needed repairing, I was there. As new grid lines were snapped into place and crystals were activated, my energy helped. Every time huge emotion was triggered through an emergency or public death of a beloved individual, I was affected. Unfortunately, all of this going through my body negatively affected my ability to enjoy life and function. However, no matter how much clearing I did, how much grounding, how much shifting of my karmic agreements or inner beliefs, how much help I asked for and received, I still could not stop helping the planet and the human mass consciousness heal in a way that negatively affected my emotions or body (or both). I have been asking/intending for at least 5 or 6 years.

This store I work at sits on land that has a large angry presence attached to it. The presence is angry at what has been done to the land in the name of human ‘progress’. I discovered this soon after I began working there and tried to help clear it. But apparently neither I nor it was ready. Today I was ready. Not only was I able to approach the spirit with a lot more compassion and dispassionate help, I discovered that I am also ready to let go (at least at this level) of responsibility to the land and to humanity’s lower level vibrations/energy and emotion. My energy has shifted so much that now when the lower vibratory energies/emotions come to me for help/healing (because that is the pattern I have been involved in), it actually isn’t helping the way it used to.

The earth and I had to shift far enough into the higher dimensions in order for me to let this go. Karen Bishop in her What’s Up On Planet Earth has referred to this aspect of certain lightworkers’ paths. But I didn’t really truly understand it until I personally experienced it. This is part of my being in a higher dimension but still holding on to some things from a lower dimension. Only I had to get open enough, expanded enough, or light enough to be able to let it go. The only reason I am explaining all of this is because you never know why you are still in a place or a relationship. It may be the very answer you needed to something you have prayed for and you don’t know it. If you have tried and tried to make a change, start loving where you are and asking for the deeper meaning of it. Everything that happens to us is in response to our own desires. Trust me when I write that I am not always happy with how it all plays out but I AM grateful my higher self is more in control than my brain or ego. I truly am awed by how complicated and miraculous our lives are.

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