Monday, 14 December 2009 09:28

Stop Being Mean to Yourself

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 he looked so battered. She had been abused to the point of hopelessness, where she wouldn’t even allow herself to feel or express her own personality. I felt my heart break when I first saw her. She had been told over and over that she was ugly, worthless, stupid, not good enough for anything, and that she would never be accepted or loved, as well as other mean condemnations. Each word was like a slap, a punch a cut until all she could do was stew in her misery. I was ashamed that this had been allowed to happen.
The problem was that this was not some little girl living in a shelter or on the streets. This was a vision of an inner child representing the part of me that took on all the horrible things I said and projected at myself, all my dislikes, disappointments, judgments and anger, and all that I absorbed from others.
This part continued to attract more negative energy, emotions and thoughts because that is all she knew. This was a part of me that I have been running from for a long time, only I didn’t know it existed. I was actually shocked to find her because I have done so much work with inner children and emotions.  She was covered in so much other anger, sorrow and fear that she was well hidden but her presence meant that no matter how much clearing I had done up to now the depression, anger and fear came back.
Finally I reached a point of such integration of my higher self/soul energy that I was ready to face what I had done and allowed to be done. I was ready to take full responsibility for my thoughts and prior actions and I trusted myself in this enough to uncover this beautiful, vulnerable hurt part of me.
In my vision I began talking to her, telling her I was so sorry for all the self- abuse. I asked for help from angels and the appropriate healing aspects of my higher self to come support her. At first she was reluctant. Wouldn’t you be?? Slowly, very slowly, she allowed herself to be comforted while I did a lot of healing on all the other internal emotive parts that showed up around this – the shame, the anger, the blame, etc. I also cut all the cords to all the people that I had connected with through this self-abuse. I released all inherited issues and beliefs (from my biological family, cultural group and soul family) that were tied to it also. I asked for help in releasing any similar energy I might have picked up from my parents or siblings or loved ones in order to help them. Then I disconnected from the aspects of the human mass consciousness with the same energy so I could make sure I was dealing only with my own stuff. I also was hyperaware of my inner thoughts, correcting myself each and every time I began to even think something negative or judgmental towards myself.
Over the course of 2 days and nights my visions showed me how she began to allow me to hold her and talk to her. She began to show up as more healed and more outgoing. Her hair grew and her clothing mended. This is how my visions show me that inner stuck emotions and beliefs heal.
Finally at a birthday lunch the day after my actual birthday she showed herself to my friend (all my friends are psychic) then to me. She was taller, a little older, dressed in a beautiful pink dress with a ribbon in her hair. There was a tall gorgeous, radiant angel with her. She gave me a bouquet of flowers and thanked me. Then she integrated.
My heart and my energy field expanded. I had no idea how restricted it had been since I have experienced MANY expansions over the years. I was then able to help my friend with an activation she needed and have since found it easy to freely offer assistance to others when my guidance asked me to. I feel lighter and freer than I have in a long time (ok maybe ever in this life).  I have more optimism.  There have been other developments since then but I will write about them in future blogs.
One of the neatest things is that I got to help one of my favorite clients with a part of her that was very similar today. Isn’t it great how that happens??!!!
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