Sunday, 06 December 2009 09:29

Being 50

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 I will be have been on earth for 50 years in two days.
I am very aware of the wonderful changes on earth and where they are leading to great spiritual growth and health. I know there is, and will continue to be, confusion and heartache as systems all over the world crumble in preparation for the rebirth of true equality and compassion. I am also aware of my contribution, on a universal and individual-by-individual basis, to the massive energy shift that has occurred with and on the earth and with humans.
I just don’t know what to do with myself in my every day life anymore.
I actually feel more confused and unsettled now than I did when I was a teenager. I was so sure of myself then – sure of where I wanted to go and how to get there. I have tremendous confidence in my talent and abilities, something I did NOT have then, but I definitely have no clear goals. I am not even sure I believe in the concept of goals anymore.
I seem to have conflicting beliefs around this too. I think I need to tap into my heart’s desire and express my decision about what I want so it can be created at the same time I know it must be in alignment with my higher self. Now is it? Is my heart’s desire in alignment with my higher self? Well to answer that I would have to know my heart’s desire and I am not sure I do right now. Too many things I have wanted have NOT been created in the physical world. Were they not in alignment with my higher self or where they truly not my heart’s desire?
I am exploring it and allowing healing of old resentments and hopelessness that it will never happen. I am re-approaching my fear of lack of apparent income and what is really going on under that, and the accompanying anger around , as well as my belief that somehow at 50 I should be more settled into life with all of this all ready figured out.
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