A beautiful thing happened to me last night. I had just gotten off the phone with a friend who was doing a great job in supporting me emotionally. Although things are ok right this moment, I am experiencing a lot of fear around finances because it doesn’t look like things will be ok in 2 months (not enough income or savings).
I have been feeling a bit guilty and ashamed that I haven’t been able to trust more, that I feel fear a lot, that I haven’t changed the energy enough to open the financial doors for me, and that I am spending a lot of time embracing all this fear and reminding myself I am taken care of at all times.This has been taking up a lot of my time and energy lately. I know what I see with my physical eye is not the total sum of my existence but I also know I wish to be comfortable in this physical world and it seems that there is some part of me that does not allow it consistently (either financially or emotionally). I am also aware that all of this has been more intense lately because it is time for another deep healing around it.
So last night after my phone conversation I began intending (again) that I believe in my intuitive information that I will be alright financially even if I cannot intuit how that will happen. I reminded myself that my friend supports me and that there are always various aspects of god around me helping out (spirits, angels etc).
I am not sure what was different this time but something changed. I dropped into my heart more and I felt an incredibly comforting presence around me. It looked like an angel stroking my face and hugging me and it felt like a higher aspect of me. All the fear went away and I was at last fully present and aware of a spreading sense of ease and love. I felt as I imagine one would feel if one had the perfect mothering love, unconditional and consistent. I also felt myself softening and surrendering to it. The presence was beautiful to look at and fabulous to feel.
I received no answers about how my financial situation would improve only that I would be fine and that fine meant still living in an apartment with enough food to eat, busy and enjoying life. I totally believed it with all my being.
I noticed late last night when the fearful thoughts began flitting across my consciousness again I was able to move back into that loving, comforting, supportive feeling. I am still feeling it this morning.This is what I have been craving – relief from the constant fear and reconnection with the deep knowing that I am love no matter what is going on in my physical human life. YAY!!