Jealousy is rearing its ugly little head inside of me. I am jealous of Matt Monarch who at only 33 years is well known within the raw community and seems to have a thriving business and new wonderful marriage. I have none of that. I am jealous of a person with a yahoo group that focuses on low level spiritual energy and awakenings with 800 people on it. Mine only has 200. I have greatness inside of me too why can I not manifest it and WHY is it so important to me that I do?
My ego is feeling annoyed today and is making it known to me. ok I admit I have been feeling useless these days. I know right now it is perfect that nothing is happening that I can see besides me walking, addressing some physical health concerns and writing my book. I AM BORED and IMPATIENT!!! LOL!!! I also have fear that it won’t get beyond this.
And I am irritated at even the small ’successes’ of others. Mind you these successes are MY judgment and opinions, not necessarily theirs. I want more for me. I have never gotten to the place of total acceptance of what is. I want more. I hope it is because I am so much more than I see or that there is so much more in store for me NOT that my ego is just needing more feeding. But who knows?
All part of the next steps in letting go more of my ego attachment to events, status symbols, things and people outside of me I am sure. I am also sure there is something else going on inside as a result of my visit with my sisters yesterday (visiting family ALWAYS brings up stuff). Just more to heal.