I have been committed to consciously knowing that I am an aspect of god in a human body for a very long time now, meeting my higher purpose of blending extreme spiritually with living in the every day world. It is my governing agreement and overshadows every other desire I can think of (and whatever I cannot think of).
That means even if I apply for any full time or part time jobs for which I qualify I don’t get them if they do not support me in that commitment. It also means that even though I want passionately with my whole being to earn money doing what is expansive and heart satisfying, right now I am not.
What I AM doing is absolutely right spiritually but I spend a lot of time surrendering in order to handle it - surrendering sadness, hopelessness, pain, despair, anger, other people’s energies, impatience, (whining – LOL!), etc. I go deep within a lot to remain expansive even as I am struggling with the energy boundaries necessary to do the physical work that pays me almost enough to live on (yes not only do I not get to do what makes my heart sing, I don’t make enough money with what I am doing to pay all the bills).
I know what I am doing right now is temporary and part of my spiritual growth. I know all the ways I cope with my resistance helps a lot too. I even know how some of what I am learning through all of this will help make me better at what I want to do. I am glad my deep, incredible spiritual growth continues and I wish that beautiful flow would show up in the ways I am supported financially. I am still choosing to be as positive and expanded as I can during this phase of my life.
Sometimes that is the way it is on the way to what you want. Certain things have to be learned or experienced before what you deeply desire manifests (or before your desires change).