I felt completely loved – so open, as if liquid love was flowing through all of me. For an instant I felt merged with her. Her message was one of reassurance and love. A reminder that I am more than the body – even more than the intuitive senses I use every day – and loved so thoroughly there was no need to hold on to the fear, sorrow and pain from this or any life time.
I had been working with my inner child. The one that never felt taken care of or safe, who could never relax as a kid and never let herself relax as an adult, and who never felt loved and wanted someone to save her. This part of me colored everything I feel and choose. So much so that even though money has begun flowing and support is showing up in all kinds of ways, I was becoming more and more agitated emotionally that things weren’t going my way and more and more tired at the amount and type of work I had to do to make things better for myself. As this part became more insistent on being healed, I became more depressed and angry, using my numbing agent of choice, food, more and more. However, I couldn’t find the inner peace I usually experience.
I did a lot of surrendering and healing for a few days (with myself and two wonderful healers) before I gained enough perspective to actually work with the emotional part of me that seemed to be the source of all of this. I told this little inner wounded child that I would always be here for her even when she didn’t believe it. I saw her huddled in the middle of my body. I saw when she stopped believing that things could be good, people could keep their word and that love didn’t have to hurt. There was some healing happening all around her but she was too mired in the fear. I did my best to love her up but it is hard to love unconditionally to any inner child when the adult trying to do the loving and reassuring is so influenced by that inner child.
So this wonderful spirit showed up to help her heal. After she faded I wondered who it was. The answer rang so true I could not doubt it. She was an aspect of my ‘higher’, true or inner self. I am that love and that compassion and that radiant.
* ok as an aside – why does this stuff always happen when I am in the bathtub?