When one is moving into the higher vibrations all the people events and circumstances that are still mired in the lower vibration energies fall away. Sometimes we can gently extricate ourselves, sometimes there is a natural change and sometimes something dramatic has to happen to remind us to let go. I like it when the natural changes occur, where it seems like the person or event or group was never in my life at all. I don’t miss it or them and I don’t spend hours analyzing what happened before remembering (or getting the information intuitively) that I made a leap in consciousness and whatever is leaving my life doesn’t resonate with it.
Unfortunately, sometimes I hold on. When that happens the releasing isn’t comfortable or easy, although it always happens at some point because too much energetic friction occurs when it is time to let go or move on and the energies no longer resonate between two people. Eventually there will be fire or conflict of some sort, which may or may not clear the air but often results in the releasing that needed to happen. My experience is that this kind of a release is accompanied by a lot of hurt feelings, so it is kinder to gently let go when one is nudged to do so.
Doesn’t all that sound wonderful and so loftily spiritual? It usually ends up being messier for me than I want.
I am experiencing more gentle changes in my life but when it comes to people I have been very close to or family members I have a hard time detaching and distancing when it is obviously time to do so.My emotions are rarely in sync with my energy/spiritual changes. Sometimes I hold on to the point of creating a lot of internal angst, then one of us usually says or does something very hurtful that creates the distance or end of the relationship.
I experienced this recently with a sister in law. In this case I got triggered by something she wrote and responded from my heart and intuition in a way that wasn’t as kind as it could have been. Her reactions, and my brother’s, reminded me why I needed to let go of close interactions with them. I was triggered because there is something within me to heal and shift but also because it has long been past time to let go of any emotional attachment to them. I am working on forgiving myself for my part in this and compassionately asking for healing for the highest good for both of them. I am also focusing on healing my inner issue that caused me to be triggered in the first place.
I am pleased that I recognized what was going on the moment I began reading her response and that I did not react in anger. I appreciate all the signs of positive change. LOL!!
It is my intention to live more gently and to pay attention to the intuitive guidance that tells me when I need to detach from emotional entanglements with people, places, events, beliefs or things.
or whatever works for you.
When I get stuck in worry or fear I am often directed to do something that will fully engage my mind so I can allow the inner shifting that is necessary at the time, or so I can stop blocking my higher self from bringing to me what I need. Today I went to the movies.
In the middle of the movie I allowed my energy to make a shift that has been coming for over a week. It is a big step further into faith and less separation between the energy of my body and the energy of my soul. Some inner block was opened and all kinds of old energy was released. I saw all kinds of spiritual help to lead me and support the integration.
Now I am calm. Some of the same thoughts floated through that I had this morning before the movie but the emotional charge is gone. They feel like memories do once my vibration has made a major shift - like they were from long ago or another lifetime.
So even if it seems odd, if you are directed to do something that will engage or distract you in a positive way when your life seems depressing or full of fear - GO DO IT. It is part of letting this spiritual evolution integrate into your every day life.
I had some rather revolutionary thoughts today after realigning with my higher self. These interesting questions came to me: What if it is not in alignment with my higher self for me to have a job right now? What if my financial situation is absolutely perfect for me at this time and what am I learning or healing because of it?
This wonderful insight came after much mental chatter. I have been grappling with reconnecting with my heart’s desire, especially with sorting out what is in my heart and what is leftover from my ego. I do not have clarity on that yet. I have also been visiting a lot of self doubt and self-blame energy, in addition to the fear, around my financial situation. As I was contemplating all of this during my morning walk, I saw a sign this morning outside a local coffee shop that read something like this: ”If you are depressed, perhaps you have miscounted your blessings.”
This got me to thinking about how much time I spend focusing on things/events that I do NOT consider blessings which led me to my belief that if things are not flowing in my life I must be doing something wrong, which reminded me of something I recently read and re-remembered – that we are all in the absolutely perfect place for us for maximum spiritual growth. Today as all my thoughts were whirling around about my struggle to find a job or working ‘harder’ to build my business I also began wondering about my ego’s part in all of my ‘delays’ or side trips away from financial abundance. I am also not sure about what to focus on for my life (as a goal) as what I thought I wanted has not come to me in 10 years. This is why I blame myself so much because I assume I have done something wrong or am still sabotaging myself or what I want has all been constructed from my ego and I still haven’t discovered my heart’s desire. SHEW!!
So here I am going round and round, not feeling particularly great when it struck me that if we are in the perfect place for our growth and I don’t feel good then I might not be in alignment with my higher self. So I intended that alignment and yes, indeed, I was pretty far out of alignment. Once I shifted I felt better and those afore-written thoughts came to me. I could feel all sorts of inner emotions and energies calming down.
Now some little troublemaker inside wants to say that I like that thought because it is an excuse not to get out there and pound the pavement more to look for a job. But it feels like an aha rather than an excuse so I am going with it until it doesn’t feel right. I am being led deeper into my understanding and acceptance of how things work at a higher vibration. The resistance to going there and to knowing this has been dragging me down. So I embrace my situation fully, accepting the experience as a mechanism for fabulous growth, knowing I can create a joyful life from staying in alignment with my higher self NO MATTER WHERE IT LEADS ME!!
So much change is going on within me that I haven’t even begin to describe it all in these blogs. One of the things I like is proof that these inner changes are making a difference in my every day life. There is a part of me that would like this proof to be financial abundance, a mate and nourishing community. None of that has shown up in my life yet BUT my own reactions are much calmer and more peaceful. I have hope that will lead to enjoying life thoroughly no matter how it turns out.
Today when I was trying to purchase some books using my ATM card it was denied, twice. I didn’t have any cash on me and I don’t own any credit cards. Instead of getting angry or embarassed I just told the clerk I would have to come back another time and went to my bank. I didn’t notice any fear either. It turns out there were two other people in the branch having the same problem, as it was the bank’s fault. Now I still have to wait for a new card and find my check book to pay for things but there is nothing wrong with my account.
I reacted VERY differently than I used to. I didn’t blame anyone, I didn’t yell at anyone, I didn’t try to force my will on anyone. I was calm, accepting and took appropriate action. I am loving myself right now!!
My resisting ego showed up this morning as a hurt, arrogant male energy fighting for his survival. First his energy interfered with some processing I was in the middle of last night ( I had to just stop and do something else), then he took form and talked to me in my dreams last night, then he showed up in meditation this morning.
He was hurt and angry that I was trying to push him aside. This part of me felt it had done me great service with all the protecting and holding on to ideals. I thanked him profusely for his service to me. I then reminded him that I am not trying to kill him, just balance him with softness, wisdom, intuition and heart. I also reminded him how hard he works to stay vigilant and we looked at how battle weary he has become (even his armor is dented and tarnished, with pieces missing) trying to hold on to territory that clearly isn’t helping me at all. Wouldn’t he like a health upgrade so he is stronger and can enjoy life more? Then we reviewed many scenes of my physical life that have been harsh and looked at what all the inner conflict has created in my life and in my body. He agreed to change, calmed down and allowed more integration.
He got bigger in my vision and began glowing. His body healed its wounds and even his hair changed from straggly grey to thick, curly dark brown. His armor kind of dissolved and he turned golden. Then he integrated into the beautiful divine feminine energy that I uncovered within me over the weekend. Beautiful. The process that was interrupted by this part of me is continuing.
Note: I am aware that I am referring to an inner emotional part of me. Those parts show up intuitively as fully developed personalities in my meditations and spiritual work. Sometimes they are inner children, sometimes they are one dimensional grown-ups. They are often hurt or weak or dirty or undeveloped looking until they begin to heal and integrate.