Sometimes your higher self nudges you to do things or make choices that are perfect for your spiritual growth but may seem very scary or disappointing for your every day life if you are not in an accepting or trusting place.
Today I launched a new website but the day my web designer mentioned changing it to take advantage of new software that allows me a greater degree of control I stressed out so badly my body shut down for a day or two. It felt right, I really wanted it but the opportunity hit the same day I had to pay rent, the same day the last little bit of money came in to be ABLE to pay rent. I wasn't sure if I could afford to pay to change my site.
But I am committed to trusting in the midst of fear when my intuitive guidance is so strong. So I now have a redesigned, beautiful website that reflects me better AND the money came from a cleaning job and a donation by a fabulous friend. I also know I needed this redo in order to handle the future of my business.
There are times I am guided to cancel a trip or distance from an acquaintance or take a part time job I really don't want. I do it because the guidance seems strong. Usually there is a second reason that is not obvious. It is true that I will be able to make changes faster and it is also true that the energy of my website needed to change and will carry me through the next level of my business. BUT more than that, it was a great exercise in healing some deep fear around money. The jobs have given me money when I need it and they have also helped to bring up other issues that need addressing (different ones with each job).
So back to trusting.
In order to counteract the effects a job is having on my energy, and to heal some issues around scarcity that are up, I go to the beach every day and pray with the ocean energy. I live about 4 blocks as the crow flies from the beach anyway but somehow actually being at the beach and seeing the ocean makes a difference.
First I sit quietly as my body relaxes and my psyche begins to respond, then I expand my awareness to interact with the consciousness of the ocean herself. My vibration raises and it becomes much easier to commune with my higher self/soul. The combination of feeling my higher self easier with the ocean energy is fabulous. This energy soothes me everywhere I am jagged, fills in all the holes, and reassures the worries/anxieties/fears. I am fully present. It is amazing how calming and relaxing that is.
I am grateful for this support. I am finding the constant nearness of such lower vibration energies kind of grates on me. It is, however, doing a beautiful job of triggering every single emotion/energy within me that has not completely moved into the higher frequencies.
Tonight I sit here in total awe and gratitude for god and me. I am in touch with satisfaction, calmness, inner peace and joy. At this moment I accept myself EXACTLY as I am. I think it is a miracle because:
I am still bigger than most say I should be (in spite of releasing 60 lbs over the years).
I am older than most think is attractive.
My body doesn’t conform to what is considered attractive either.
I dress for comfort, not for fitting in.
I am poorer than most say is comfortable.
I am more unconventional in my spiritual beliefs than most say is appropriate.
I am so grateful for the part time job I just quit. It was a struggle for me to be there from the very beginning. I thought I chose not to heed my highest and best good and took the job for practical reasons: I needed to ease my financial distress in both my emotional state and with my actual income. Really, I kept getting intuitively that it wasn’t in my highest and best good to take it (over and over, ad nauseum).
Yet, I applied one day, interviewed the next, and within 2 hours was offered the position. Every aspect of it met my requirements but one –work that meant something to me. It turns out that is the only requirement that really matters, but the job fulfilled other needs. It kept me busy during a time of deep internal transition and I got to see how much I have changed in the way I reacted to other people’s stuff (both the people I work with and those I was trying to sell to). I like who I am right now and I enjoyed the people I worked with. Obviously this job was divinely created and was perfect to meet my temporary needs.
Sometimes the bigger shifts are so fast and so deep you can’t describe them to anyone else – much less write a blog about them. I have had a week like that. When that happens the day-to-day practical spirituality is the answer for me.
If I am feeling overwhelmed I just ask God for help. If I am feeling anxious I imagine giving it all to God. I pray in the mornings for spiritual help in staying aligned with my higher self and open to the guidance that comes for me that day. I usually also ask for help with whatever problem my mind has conjured up for me –real or not (could be for direction in my business, could be what to do about increasing my income, could be anything). Throughout the day as the worries crop up again, I pray again. I release the worries over and over and I re-focus on conscious connection with God and what is expansive in my life. If I get angry at or hurt by someone else, I pray for him or her, then I pray for help in changing my energy so I don’t have to be triggered by that person or anything he/she says again (sometimes I pray for the courage to walk away from that person if that is what my intuitive guidance suggests).
We have an interesting image of lightworkers and healers in that we expect their lives to be wonderful or, at the very least, that they handle all adversity with grace, serenity and acceptance. There are now some law of attraction advocates out there saying or writing that they are positive all the time (or are trying to indicate that with their words).
God bless them all.
I am not like that – in case you hadn’t noticed from reading any thing I write. I am an effective healing facilitator and teacher and I have my ups and downs like every one else. I share all my emotions although in my every day life they are not at all that dramatic anymore, mostly. I do my best to approach each and every circumstance from an open, sacred place of being but sometimes when the fear is so great I slip. Since I am committed to the deepest, most thorough integration of my light body/soul/higher self as is possible, fear comes up for healing a lot. I let myself dwell in it to the point of forgetting (even momentarily) that all is well and whatever is being created by the fear, or by the fear coming to the surface for healing, will be all right too.
It is not always comfortable or pleasing where my intuition guides me. Sometimes I ignore it for years because I just don’t want to do what my higher self tells me. However, as we all know, if you ignore it too long things get worse and worse until you have to pay attention.
I spent last year looking for a job. I knew I needed more income but I didn’t want to start another business that I was going to have to work my butt off with and have it go nowhere. See the inherent assumptions there? I finally got a job and within a week my intuition tried to push me out because it was not the right thing for me – it wasn’t a good match for me energetically or with my purpose here on earth.
God spoke to me through a few other people with a suggestion for a second business for me, over the past year and a half. As I wrote earlier, I didn’t want to do it. Then a few weeks ago it came to me AGAIN through someone who barely knew me. This time I finally listened. I woke up two mornings later with the business name and put an ad on Craigs list. I got clients right away – before I even had time to think of what I would charge or what my time or physical boundaries would be. Now I am swamped and struggling with balancing my schedule. It happened easily and I have been blessed with some clients who are enthusiastic about my skills, and who pay promptly and with integrity. It was the right thing at the right time, manifested without any resistance.
I notice I am having a hard time catching up to some of the changes that have already happened to me.
I have used all sorts of behaviors to make me feel better – eating, shopping, raging, trying to merge with a man, complaining to friends etc. I would get an energy/emotional rush from it and at least suppress whatever emotion I didn’t want to feel anymore.
I was led to a job at a bead store last September. It was so synchronistic there was no mistaking it. And, at first, I loved it. It was perfect for me. I talked to people all day, I dressed casually, I learned a lot more about a craft I love, I taught it to others, and it got me out of the house while I was waiting for all the shifting to settle down until I knew what was next for me. I also came to know that I was and still am helping a lot of people evolve spiritually – both directly with words and more diffusely with energy.
But things began to change and by December it was not as pleasant as it was at first. Partially because I am so impatient and partially because a new assistant manager was appointed who was not as easy to work with as the manager. By the time the manager went out on pregnancy leave, I was really not liking it. However, no matter how often I looked for another job I could not find one. Even when I was having a little inner temper tantrum about it, I still knew I needed to stay there (well maybe for a day or two I thought I could leave).
So when I am going through a ‘healing’ opportunity I am often desperate for ways to feel better. In February an old, deep issue came up again for possible healing. I don’t know about you but not only do I go through all the feelings that were suppressed around my issue but I also go through anger and upset that I am going through it again!!! Not very productive but one of those things I have not healed yet.
When I am in the middle of the shift I need help in feeling better so I don’t wallow in fear and anger and sabotage my own spiritual/energetic/emotional growth. I have four websites I go to often to read beautiful uplifting messages and to remind myself who I truly am – What’s Up on Planet Earth with Karen Bishop, Messages from Matthew at Matthewbooks.com, Crimson Circle, and Celia Fenn’s website (Starchild Global – I read her logs).